Nicole – What If I Were

My name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.

They taught us how to talk, how to dress, how to dye our hair. They taught us how to walk, how to giggle and flirt but there is nothing they could have taught us… me, that would have prepared me for this. If you have time stranger, maybe you’d want to hear my story. It’s nothing too long, nothing too grand. I just want to tell you the story of how my love twisted my head and dumped me under her bed.

I watched her, my love, as she walked around the room. She was wearing shoes I did not recognize and her hair hung past her shoulders. I’ve always wondered why she stopped wearing her hair up, she looked sweeter that way.

I keep telling myself that she simply forgot to kiss me this morning. That when she comes home she’ll head straight towards me and take off my clothes. I will wait while she looks for a nurse uniform or another tarty little costume to have me put on. Then she will stroke my hair and giggle though I did not tell a joke. She would press my back and I would say everything that I’m meant to say. We would play the whole night, beyond and away.

But alas, no.

I’m naked still, from the last time she held me.

And naked I was until the moment I was beheaded.

It was a dusty Sunday afternoon. She was talking on the phone with I assume, could only be a boy. She bit her lip and rolled on the bed. In doing so, she nudged me and I plopped down on the floor.

“Hang on,” she said. “Something fell.”

Something.

I looked up the ceiling and then found it filled with her round face. Her bright green eyes found mine and my heart leaped.

She picked me up with one hand and the receiver on the other. “Oh my GOD, Chris. You wouldn’t believe this. My Barbie doll is still here. Yes! Oh I don’t know, second grade?”

The receiver nestled between her shoulder and her ear while she held me with both hands. I didn’t mind that her full attention wasn’t mine. She was holding me again! This is perfect, this is wonderful! This is-

-SNAP-

Her fingers tugged on my blonde hair while my head dangled about. She laughed and told the boy Chris how easily my head popped off. A pause. And then laughter again. My love then tossed me under the bed along with what remained of my body. I got to see her sometimes, when she reaches for her shoes.

I would cry if I could. But because I am who I am, I could only smile.

And watch.

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~ by Nic on January 25, 2010.